Love is a rewarding and fulfilling feeling, and having romantic connections with others can help us learn more about ourselves and how we explore the world. When we fall in love, our brains are full of happy hormones, and we feel super great about our future! But sometimes, we may not be too pleased about falling in love—especially if we fall in love with a new person every other week!
Have you ever wondered, how long does it take to fall in love? For example, do you fall in love after the first date? Do you tend to have intense, all-consuming crushes on coworkers and friends? Are you wondering: is this normal, and why do I fall in love so easily?
If so, you have come to the right place! We are here to help you understand why you fall in love quickly and what you can do about it.
What is love?
Reasony why people fall in love easily
You are dependent on the chemicals
Maybe Robert Palmer was giving us psychological insight when he released his 1986 track Addicted to Love because love can be pretty addictive! When we fall for someone, our brain releases a lot of feel-good hormones, such as dopamine. If you fall in love easily, it may be because you can’t get enough of the chemicals your body gives you when you are developing feelings for someone.
Studies have suggested that people can actually be addicted to love, with psychologists pushing this addiction to be listed in the DSM-5 as a specific diagnosis. Too much of anything is bad for you, right?
You have an insecure attachment style
Attachment Theory was first explored by John Bowlby and developed by Mary Ainsworth with her infamous Strange Situation experiment. The theory suggests that the early emotional bonds we have with our caregivers pave the way for the attachments we form with others when we grow up.
There are four main attachment styles: avoidant, anxious, secure, and disorganized. If you are constantly falling for coworkers, friends, and acquaintances, you may have an insecure attachment style, such as avoidant or anxious.
Individuals with an anxious attachment style fear abandonment and rejection and may be clingy early on in romantic relationships. Those who have an avoidant attachment style crave love but also fear it. This may mean they tend to have surface-level romances that are passionate and short-lived.
You have low self-esteem
You may fall in love easily if you lack confidence and feel insecure about your worth. This is because another person’s attention makes you feel better about yourself. By seeing yourself reflected through the eyes of someone falling for you, you are able to identify the good things about you that you cannot see.
However, those with low self-esteem may push away their partner when the connection deepens. They may be worried about being let down or rejected by them, so they choose to find someone new instead of committing.
Is it bad to fall in love fast?
Falling in love fast is not bad in itself, but the reasons why you seem to fall in love fast and the consequences of doing so can be. If you are falling in love quickly because of insecurity or an addiction to the good feelings you get when you do so, you may need to step back and work on yourself before getting into your next relationship.
Furthermore, Dr Daniel Jones, who first described the term emophilia, believed that there are harmful consequences of falling in love fast. Yup – love can actually be pretty unhealthy!
He suggested that people who fall in love regularly are more likely to put themselves and their health at risk. They may also ignore the big red flags in the people they are dating, opting to believe in love at first sight rather than protecting their safety and well-being.
How to stop falling in love easily
If you relate to this and want to know how to not fall in love, there are things you can do to work through your emophilia and pave the way for true love.
Work on your confidence
Is your low self-esteem causing you to fall in love quickly? If so, it may be time to work on your confidence and develop a healthier attitude toward yourself.
It isn’t easy to be confident. You can’t just boost your self-esteem overnight! But, by doing small things every day, you can slowly build up your self-worth and maintain positivity and strength in who you are.
Here are our top tips for raising low self-esteem:
- Journal your strengths and positive attributes. Write down all the good things about you, from your personality traits to the achievements you have made in your life.
- Take care of your body by sleeping well, eating healthy foods, and exercising.
- Explore body neutrality and learn how to accept yourself just how you are.
- Be kind to yourself if you face any setbacks in life. Always think about the language you are using about yourself. Would you speak like that to a friend?
- Celebrate every achievement, no matter how small.
Focus on other relationships
The relationships you have with your friends and family are just as meaningful as your romantic ones, so ensure you are spending enough time with them. This is particularly important if you are dating someone new. To avoid falling in love with them too quickly, balance your social time between them and your loved ones.
Throw yourself into your hobbies and interests
You may be falling in love easily because romantic relationships are your main source of happiness. If so, it is time to find happiness and satisfaction without dating!
Think about the things you love to do in life. Perhaps you are arty and like to paint. Or maybe you are adventurous and love hiking in the wild! Plan to spend your weekends doing something you enjoy or explore a new hobby that interests you.
Developing new skills and hobbies is also great for your self-esteem and confidence, so it’s a win-win situation!
Learn about healthy relationships
Dr Daniel Jones suggested that people who fall in love quickly tend to find themselves in toxic relationships. So, it is helpful to learn about healthy relationships in order to overcome your emophilia.
Aspects of healthy relationships include:
- Independence
- Trust
- Support
- Equality
- Boundaries
- Communication
Educating yourself about what a relationship looks like will help you prioritize healthy and supportive connections with others.
Seek therapy
Some of the causes of emophilia are psychological issues that can be solved with professional help. For example, if you believe you fall in love easily because of your attachment style, seeking therapy can give you the time and space to work through things. A therapist can provide you with insights into your behavior and help you explore healthy relationships in a safe and supportive environment. After gaining some insights, you might have a different opinion about falling in love and when to tell someone you love them.
Know what you want from a relationship
If you tend to fall in love quickly with the wrong sort of person, you may find it helpful to reflect on what you want from a relationship and determine your needs and wishes. Doing so will allow you to move away from negative relationship patterns and embrace true love.
Here are things to consider when figuring out what you want from a relationship:
- Your core values and how they manifest in a romantic relationship.
- Your past relationships and what was good and bad about them.
- The relationships you admire, whether they be people you know or celebrities.
- Your non-negotiables and the things you absolutely do not want from a relationship.
- Boundary expectations and how you will fulfill them.
Embrace self-love and let romance come when it is ready!
Falling in love quickly can negatively affect your well-being. However, it does not mean you are not worthy of true romance. By embracing self-love and confidence, you can set yourself up for a fulfilling and healthy relationship!
Never forget your self-worth, and know that true love will find you when the time is right.
