Dating is full of ups and downs for anyone, but it can be even more difficult if you are shy! First dates, online dating, navigating all those tricky dating questions and getting out in the world to meet potential matches can feel pretty daunting for an introvert.
Are you wondering how to date as an introvert? Does the world of romance seem a bit overwhelming to you? We at #Dating want to give you a few tips on introvert dating. You deserve to find your perfect match, just like the more outgoing folks in the world! Read on and find out what you can do to ease your worries!
Online dating is your best friend
Have you ever been at a bar with your extroverted friends who seem to simply go up to people they fancy and start a conversation? Do you watch on, thinking, How on earth can they do that?!
Dating IRL and chatting people up comes naturally to certain people. But, being an introvert makes this a bit hard. Of course, this doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with you! Everyone is different, and therefore everyone has a different approach to dating.
When you are dating as an introvert, meeting people in real life can be hard, so online dating is your best bet.
Online dating means that you can be in the comfort of your own home, browsing potential matches at your own pace. There is no stress about ‘foot in mouth’ moments or shyness. You can take your time to match with others and send messages out.
So, how do I actually online date as an introvert?
After setting up your profile, it is time to find a match! But, even this can seem pretty daunting for a shy person. Who sends the first message? How open and honest should you be?
It is important to be yourself when you are online dating. Yes, you may be tempted to pretend to be this outgoing adventurous person, but if that isn’t you, you won’t find someone who is perfect for you.
You are an interesting, fun and kind person, so just be that! Sure, it’s easier said than done but it can help to just be honest about your shyness. You may be surprised at how many people will admire your openness, with other introverts finding it even easier to connect with you.
Oh, and feel free to send the first message! If you match with someone who you really like, drop them a quick message. They may be waiting for you to be the first one to reach out.
I have found a match, now what?
Introvert dating means that the initial messages feel okay, but then… the meetup. The date. This can be super stressful for a shy person, but there are things you can do to ease that anxiety!
We want to introduce you to something called virtual dating. This kind of dating emerged from the pandemic, and we are big fans of it. It allows you to get to know someone in a comfortable and relaxed way, perfect for shy people!
There are loads of fun virtual date ideas for shy people, from game nights to online concerts. Having a virtual first date can ease the stress when dating as an introvert, allowing you to feel more in control of the situation.
Do I need to meet up with my matches?
Talking and getting to know someone online is really fun and can be a great way to get into the dating scene as an introvert. However, the looming meet-up might leave you feeling pretty anxious.
So, it is important to remember that you don’t have to meet up with your match. If you are too anxious and stressed, it is okay to decline their invitation! You don’t owe them anything.
However, you may want to get out of your comfort zone a little. It can be easy to fall into the back-and-forth messaging, with no real talk of meeting up. But, if you are really interested in the person you are chatting to, it may be time to go out on that first date. You are online dating for a reason, right!?
It is time for the IRL first date and I am scared!
After messaging and getting to know your match, the first date is the natural next step. However, we know that this can be pretty scary for a shy person!
So, what can you do to make that first date a little less scary?
Plan a comfortable date
A first date is always pretty anxiety-inducing, so we recommend planning a date that will put you at ease.
Have a think about the places where you feel comfortable. Perhaps you really love to go to the arcades and see them as your second home. Ask your date if they are up for going there!
Or, maybe there is a quiet and relaxed bar that you always go to. Mention this place to your date and see what they say.
Making a date comfortable isn’t just about the location of the date, either. You will feel better on your date if you are wearing comfortable clothing, so get out your favorite items!
Be open and honest about your personality
If you are feeling nervous about the first date, tell your match! They will understand, and if they don’t, they are not worth your time.
Being honest about being shy will not only put you at ease, but it will help you connect with your date. Nobody likes an overconfident person, and your honesty will feel refreshing.
Oh, and remember, your date is probably super nervous, too!
Don’t worry about being perfect
It is pretty common for introverts to be perfectionists, too. Shy people tend to spend a lot of time in their heads and enjoy concentrating on things to get them right.
This means that first dates can cause a lot of anxiety, as you may worry about you looking and acting perfectly. As first dates often feel like a performance, introverts may worry about saying the wrong lines or wearing the wrong clothes!
But ultimately, being perfect doesn’t matter. Nobody is perfect, and there will be awkward silences on a first date, with things not going as smoothly as hoped.
Instead of focusing on being perfect, focus on being yourself.
Come to your date with questions
For a lot of introverts, one of the worries on the first date is that they’ll have nothing to talk about. When you are shy, thinking about conversation topics can feel pretty exhausting.
So, we recommend coming to your date with some prepped questions in mind. What do you actually want to know about your date? Are you interested to find out more about their career and hobbies?
Check out our 50 date questions to get some ideas for your first date!
I found a great person but how do I balance dating with being an introvert?
We know that dating as a shy person can still cause stress, even after the first couple of dates. When we are dating someone, we might really like them but still need alone time to recharge our social batteries. Or, we might not be up for the crazy, action-packed dates that they are planning for us!
So, how do you balance dating with being an introvert?
Firstly, it is important to remember that if the person you are dating can’t respect your needs, then they are not right for you. If they do not understand that you need your time alone or at home, then they are not worth the hassle and wouldn’t fit your lifestyle later down the line anyway!
You should also be honest about your needs. It can be tempting to go along with the person we are dating if we really like them. However, if they are into clubbing and the idea of being in a packed, sweaty club fills you with dread, tell them!
If you would love a night in, just tell your date. If you are not up for meeting up one night because you need to recharge and prioritize yourself, be honest. In the long run, you want to find someone who will understand your needs.
However, like with many things in life, there will be times when you will need to compromise. Getting out of your comfort zone can be super scary but it can also be very rewarding if done right. Going to a party with your partner and their friends might not be your ideal night, but you may be surprised at how fun it is! As long as it’s not something that scares the life out of you or fundamentally makes you feel uncomfortable, be brave and give it a go.
Being an introvert can actually be a good thing
Finally, being an introvert can actually be a good thing when it comes to dating (among other things). Of course, getting out in the world and going on dates can be overwhelming, but your personality may actually help you find a deeper connection.
Sophia Dembling researched introvert dating in her book Introverts in Love: The Quiet Way to Happily Ever After and interviewed a whole load of introverts about love! These people were single, married, and dating, and she found out that dating as an introvert is different, but in a good way.
Introverts tend to enjoy deeper conversations than extroverts, and this means that they are more likely to connect with their date. They are fantastic listeners, too, which really helps on a first date.
Introverts are also great to be in relationships with because they have great listening skills. Plus, they tend to think before they speak, meaning conflict can be solved more easily.
So, if you are feeling down about being a shy person and dating, remember that your personality can allow you to create deep and meaningful relationships. It is time to get out in the world and find your perfect match!
Are you relating to any of the online dating red flags? Do you think you are getting catfished or scammed by your match?