Fling, Friend, or Forever? How to Be Honest About What You Want

a men and a women on a date drinking white wine and laughing together

There’s nothing wrong with seeking commitment or just wanting to have a fun time, as long as you’re honest about it from the start. Everyone knows how awful it can feel to get your hopes up about someone, just to eventually find out that you’re not on the same page. Imagine thinking that you’ve found the one, just to realize after a few months that they aren’t looking for a serious relationship.

All this can easily be prevented by communicating honestly right from the start. You should always be open about what you want in a relationship. Is this person going to be a fling, friend, or forever love? Learn how to be honest about what you want because you shouldn’t waste anyone’s time or string them along. Just follow the steps below instead.

1. Be honest with yourself

Woman is relaxing at the balcony with a forest view
You probably aren’t really “open to anything” even if you say that you are. Are you ready for a relationship or just want to spend time together and see where it goes? Both are fine, but be honest with yourself before you make the first move. Is this really the person that you can imagine having a future with, or are you just going to have a short-term romance? You don’t owe the truth only to them, but to yourself too. Don’t lie to yourself about how you feel and what you need in your life right now. If you’re searching for a long-term relationship, be upfront about it. If your date gets scared and flees at the very mention of commitment, they weren’t the right person for you anyway, and you probably dodged a bullet.

2. Initiate a conversation

Two women are having picnic at the beach

Talking about commitment as soon as you make the first move might not be the best idea, but no one’s stopping you from asking your date what they’re looking for. Let them know what you’re looking for too, and see if you’re on the same page. Don’t sit back and wait for the right time to ask, initiate the conversation!

Your question shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who has been dating because, with all the opportunities for dating that we have now, people don’t want to waste their time. Knowing whether you’re on the same page right from the start saves you the trouble of finding out that you’re not interested in the same thing months later when this could hurt you. Take control over your dating life by being straightforward about what you want, and the right person will appreciate your honesty.

3. Don’t waste time

Assumptions lead to late-night texts to your friend where you complain about not knowing where you stand with your new partner. Don’t waste your time, or theirs, because you should know whether there’s a possibility for a #long-term-relationship right away. If they aren’t ready for a relationship you should know about it from the start. Save your time and energy and prevent a possible heartbreak by openly discussing these things. This way, you’ll know early on if they’re looking for the same kind of romance as you.

4. Continue to communicate openly and honestly

A couple is drinking and chatting at a restaurant

Open and #honest communication is important when you’re getting to know someone. The person is going to respect your direct approach as it will make you look mature, and you’ll establish a pattern for any future communication with this person. But don’t forget: it’s also important to keep being honest as your relationship develops!

Perhaps, the more you get to know your date, you realize that your feelings are starting to change and you want something more (or something less). Take the opportunity to be upfront with them and tell them how you feel. Although you might be hesitant to share your thoughts, your date will probably respect your direct, mature and respectful approach.

Whether you’re looking for a fling, friend, or forever love, you want to make sure that you can have that with the person you’re on a date with. Otherwise, what’s the point of going on those dates anyway? Not only will you waste time but risk getting your heart broken or breaking someone’s heart. We tend to blame the entire world for our bad luck when it comes to love, but it’s actually this easy – you just need to be open about your feelings and expectations.

5. Don’t settle

When you start telling your dates that you’re just looking to spend time together or that you’re ready for a relationship, you’ll get different responses. Someone might be looking for the same thing, but someone isn’t. You need to be prepared for this and make a decision not to settle. If you’re interested in a long-term relationship, but your date wants something casual or the other way around, don’t get involved with them despite it. If you do, you’ll have no one to blame but yourself if things don’t work out in the end.

Maybe you’ll think that you could try something different, but don’t lie to yourself about what you want just so you could be with a cute guy or a girl that you’ve just met. Of course, there is a chance that they’ll eventually change their mind, but you can’t rely on this. You definitely shouldn’t start a relationship while expecting them to eventually change even though they gave you no reason to think that they will. It will just end in heartbreak.

Don’t forget that honesty is the best policy! If everyone was honest about what they want, dating would be a lot easier. Maybe you can’t make everyone follow your lead, but you can make your dating life easier. Be honest with yourself and with your dates, and you’ll be more likely to find your perfect match.
Ana Vakos

Ana Vakos

Ana Vakos has been a writer from a very young age and she now specializes in dating and relationship topics. Writing brings her great joy, especially if it can help someone find new love or improve an existing relationship.


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