If you’re asking yourself Why does sexting make me uncomfortable?, more often than not, the answer to this question is lack of experience.
Most people feel a bit uncomfortable about sexting because expressing their passions and desires in this way is brand new to them.
However, sexting can be very fun and a normal part of romantic relationships. It can spice up your love life and be exciting for everyone involved.
Maybe you’re interested in trying it out but you don’t know what to say when sexting or how to start. You know which words you’re supposed to say, but you’re not comfortable using them. Luckily, there are plenty of ways you could express yourself, with or without using the stereotypical cheeky online dating questions. Let’s first learn how to start sexting, which will make it easier for you to recognize it when someone initiates it too.
1. Know how and when to start
Of course, any sexual activity requires consent. Although you might feel unsure asking your partner for their permission to sext them just out of the blue, it would be a wise idea to give them the heads up (especially if you’re sending something very spicy right away). You might be sure that they want to see your nude selfie, but timing is important too, and they might not currently be somewhere where they could enjoy sexting with you. If you want to play it safe, it’s best to learn how to start a sexting conversation and wait for their response before sending anything dirtier.
Take things slow when sexting. You probably wouldn’t jump straight to sex if you met each other in person either. “I can’t stop thinking about how hot last night was” or “I had a naughty dream about you” is enough to let the other person know what’s coming and not enough for it to put them into an embarrassing situation if the timing is not right. Start slow and keep it simple but give them the heads up that things could get hotter if they’re responsive.
2. Don’t do things that make you uncomfortable
Maybe there are some specific aspects of sexting that you’re not comfortable with, like sending nude pictures or using dirty words. If both of those make you want to run and hide, don’t feel you have to do any of it. But if you’re curious, start slow and find your limits. For instance, sending a picture of your cleavage might not make you uncomfortable as much as sending nude selfies would. However, if you don’t want to send steamy pictures and words, that’s okay too! Sexting can be as simple as saying “I can’t wait to make love to you tonight”.
But what about how to sext without being cringe when you need to describe what you would like to happen? Keep it simple! More on that later… For now, you should know that reading erotica and even romance novels could also make you more comfortable with sexting – and give you ideas!
3. Use dirty words
Don’t use technical terms when describing body parts and sexual acts, use slang instead. This might be the part that you’re most uncomfortable with, but it can help to see it from your partner’s perspective. When you use dirty words, it turns them on! They don’t find it shocking or embarrassing, they find it arousing. So, while you were taught never to use these naughty words, remember that you’re sexting your boyfriend or girlfriend, so it’s okay to use them. It sounds good in your partner’s head even if it sounds weird to you.
But if you’re still not okay with it, keep in mind that that’s okay too! After all, you don’t even have to use words, and pics are not the only option either…
4. Use visuals
Why do guys like sexting so much? Well, they love dirty talk, but pictures are also a big part of sexting that makes it so interesting to them. Taking pictures might make you uncomfortable, especially if you think that you need to show your face. However, there’s no limit to how creative you can get with spicy pictures. Reveal different areas of your body such as your mouth, bust, neck or booty. Keep in mind that you don’t have to send full nudes. You could wear sexy lingerie or hide certain parts with your hands.
5. Use sexy emojis
You don’t have to name certain body parts at all, you just need to know what eggplant and peach mean in the sexy emoji world. The tongue, the raindrops… You can get creative with emojis when you’re texting. Even a simple winky face or a smirk could convey a sexy message. Emojis help your partner figure out your mood and tone without seeing your body language, so use them to express how much you want your partner, and even what you’d do to them.
6. Talk about the experience that you had together
Dirty chat doesn’t have to be about something that you would like to happen in the future, it could be about something that’s already happened. Have you already been intimate with the person you’re sexting with? If so, bring up the past experience and comment on it to start sexting, or while you’re already in the middle of a hot conversation.
A good formula is to first bring up something you liked about your previous time together, then something that you’d like to do next time and finally what you would want right now. For instance, you could initiate the conversation by mentioning how great it was that they were naked in your bed the other night. Then, mention that you would like them to kiss your neck that way again. In the end, talk about where you would kiss them if you were there right now.
7. Talk about your fantasies
Talking about your fantasies with your partner might make you uncomfortable if you’re doing it in person but through messages, it can be a lot easier. Tell them about the things that you would like to try in the bedroom department. If you ever fantasized about having sex with them, describe that fantasy. Mention things that you like and the new things that you’re curious about. This is one of the ways steamy talk can significantly improve your sex life because be sure that your partner will want to fulfill your fantasies!
8. Ask sexy questions
How to start a sexting conversation? Well, asking them whether they’re turned on right now might even get them turned on – if it doesn’t, it will make it clear that you are. Ask them what they would like you to do to turn them on if their answer to the first question was negative. Don’t force sexting, but if they’re responsive and up for it, ask them about their fantasies and which parts of you they’d like to see right now. What would they do to you if you were there right now? If you don’t want to talk too much, get them to do the talking by asking sexy questions!
9. Be specific but keep it simple
You should both be able to visualize what you’re talking about, and for this to happen it helps to be specific. You don’t have to write a long detailed message, just make sure to include sexy details. Keep it simple. “I want you” could even be enough, but if you add “inside of me” things are getting hotter! In the same way, “I can’t stop thinking about how hot you look” could turn into “I can’t stop thinking about your soft skin.”
10. Talk about what you like
If you could tell your partner exactly what you want them to do in bed, the odds are, they’d do it, and your sex life would improve (even if it was good already). Well, that’s what sexting is for! Use this opportunity to talk about what you like in bed and what you would want your partner to do the next time you hook up. Talk about things that you’d like to try to find out whether you like them or not, and be sure to say it when you don’t like something.
Knowing what you want in bed and being able to ask for it can be difficult but it’s a skill that will help your current or any future partner please you the way you want. So, it’s worth developing it, and sexting could help you get you there!
In the end, if you’re still uncomfortable sexting, that’s fine! You shouldn’t engage in sexting if it’s not what you want. There are plenty of other ways to express your sexual desire so, if this way doesn’t work for you, your partner should respect that and not force you into it. However, don’t forget that most people feel uncomfortable sexting just because of a lack of experience. So, if you’re curious and have a trusting relationship where you can try it out, go for it and see if you like it!
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