You’ve hit it off recently with your match and you’ve had quite a few lengthy conversations over text, maybe even a voice call. But you want to give it a bit more time and ask a few more important online dating questions before you decide if you want to meet them in person. You want to see if you two might have an emotional connection first before the next steps.
It might be simple and straightforward to start a conversation, but when it comes to creating an emotional connection, it can be quite tricky because you’re new to the person, haven’t met them and don’t really know much about them. Not to mention establishing it online with limited tools, social and physical cues.
It’s entirely possible to create a meaningful connection and build emotional intimacy online before you progress onto the other areas of intimacy – physical, mental, and spiritual.
If you’re keen to learn how to build a connection with someone that you’ve been talking to online, read on for eight ways to do so:
Be curious
The first step to building an emotional connection is to be curious about the other person and to be asking questions about them.
When you display a genuine curiosity and interest in the other person through your questions, they’d be more likely to feel like they are heard and seen by you, which will bring about feelings of emotional closeness.
When you show you’re curious about someone, it also encourages them to talk about themselves more.
If you’re stumped and don’t know what to ask, try out these questions to get to know them better. If you feel comfortable, you could even think about having intimacy conversations with them.
Listen to them
If you’ve progressed onto voice calls and you’re chatting a lot, then make sure you’re actually listening to them and hearing what they’re saying, instead of immediately wanting to respond to them. A conversation isn’t just about talking, it’s also about being an active listener.
Some ways you can do this online in a video conversation would be:
- Looking right at the camera or the screen when they’re talking instead of doing other things on your screen or phone. It’s easy to tell when someone is distracted by other windows on their screen when you’re having a video call with them.
- You could lean forward closer to your screen to express keenness when they say something interesting.
- You can paraphrase what they say to show that you’re actively listening to what they’re saying. But avoid being too robotic about this!
- Be empathetic – If they’re sharing a heartfelt story, show that you’re really listening by asking questions, sharing your feelings back and putting yourself in their shoes.
If you’ve not progressed onto voice calls, then you’ll need to make your responses through text seem like you’re actively taking in their responses and that you’re not just reacting to them before they speak.
Showing you’re ‘listening’ via chat online might be trickier but not impossible. Here’s how you can do it:
- If the other person brings up a fact (like they love Mexican food), you can bring this up a little later or in another conversation. For example, when they mention they’re heading out for a meal with friends, you could ask: “Are you having Mexcian?” or even ask them for recommendations on good spots in the city for some tacos.
- Ask specific questions when they share something.
- But also avoid being too methodological and also remember to insert some anecdotes and thoughts on what they’ve shared.
- Keep the conversation fresh and moving by introducing new topics, but always remember to blend this into your current conversation to avoid seeming like you’re just trying to change topics.
Go on a virtual date
Online dating can get stale fast if you’re not meeting up, so why not take emotional dating up a notch by going on a virtual date with your match? It’s non-committal and you can do it right in the comfort of your own home!
If you’re pressed for ideas on how to build intimacy through virtual dates, here are some quick ideas:
- Watch a movie together using apps like Teleparty
- Play a game together online like a virtual escape room
- Plan a dinner date where you both order the same cuisine via takeout.
- Go on a virtual tour of a museum or a city in another country – just search for videos on YouTube or go on museums’ websites
- Do a house tour of your living space
- Have a wine and cheese night where someone chooses a wine and you make your own mini cheese boards as you talk the night away
The sky’s the limit really when it comes to going on a virtual date and when it comes to finding connection through these dates!
Be descriptive
When you’re online, you don’t have the luxury of physical cues like someone scooting a bit closer to you, placing their palm on the small of your back or looking at you in the eyes a bit more intently.
It helps if you’re a bit more descriptive with your conversation. You could compliment them on their photos, and tell them what you were up to during the day or as you’re having your conversation on text.
If you’re up for it, you can take the flirty banter up a notch and try sexting your match or throwing in a couple of flirty emojis.
Of course, when you do this, always make sure the other party is completely comfortable with steering the conversation in this direction by asking them first. The key here is to communicate and be comfortable – both of you!
Be transparent
One of the sure-fire ways on how to be intimate from an emotional perspective is to be completely transparent when talking with your match or partner.
If you lie, omit truths or try to pretend to be someone you’re not, you might risk not only getting found out but damaging the relationship if and when you do get found out.
Being transparent also promotes trust between the both of you.
One type of transparency that has been shown to work in connecting to your partner emotionally and sexually is radical transparency, which is the act of exposing your vulnerabilities, fears, desires and points of view on pertinent issues.
This brings us to our next point – being vulnerable to build an emotional connection.
Be vulnerable
Research has shown that if you embrace and embody vulnerability, it can strengthen your relationship.
It may not be easy to be vulnerable to a literal virtual stranger that you’ve never met. It can be tempting to be self-contained because you don’t know what to expect of the other person and it may seem safer to keep your deepest thoughts and feelings to yourself.
But if you truly want to have an emotional connection, then it’s worth being vulnerable and trying to be open towards the other party.
Have conversations beyond superficial topics, and ask them more thought-provoking questions. But also make sure you’re genuine in responding to the very questions you ask too.
Share stories
Everyone loves a good story. But have you wondered “Why do I get attached so easily?” when someone tells you a heartfelt story from their childhood or a traumatic event they experienced?
Here’s news for you. It’s not just you on an emotional high, it’s actually science.
Storytelling promotes the release of the hormone oxytocin which is otherwise known as the “love hormone”. Oxytocin helps us feel empathy which in turn helps us to bond and feel closer to others when it is released.
When you hear a story from someone, you’re more inclined to feel empathy and bond with the storyteller.
Aside from helping with bonding, stories also stick longer with the person you’re speaking to than facts. So it’s a great way to keep your connection fresh and memorable in your date’s mind!
Make time
Beyond all these, if you want to build an emotional connection online, the most fundamental step is to make time for the other person.
It could be spending a few minutes every day checking in with them on their day or just making time for a video call if it’s been a few days.
As the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind. When you’re talking to someone online, it can be easy to forget to check in with the other party when you’re caught up with general life.
But the whole idea here is that it’s good to be consistent when you’re trying to establish an emotional connection with someone new. And being consistent entails that you show up.
But the whole idea here is that it’s good to be consistent when you’re trying to establish an emotional connection with someone new. And being consistent entails that you show up.
So there you have it – eight ways to create an emotional connection with someone online.
Admittedly, creating such a connection online takes work, time and effort. But hey it’s worth the effort if you end up meeting someone meaningful.
And look, even if the connection doesn’t work out or it fizzles, these tips are extremely useful in any social setting to help you build emotional connections with the people around you at work, school or where you live.
