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12 Things You Should Know Before Dating a Shy Guy

Woman and man sitting apart on a park bench

Obviously, you were waiting for him to make the first move. When it didn’t happen, you figured that he was not that into you. However, if you’ve picked up on the subtle signs that he likes you and you’re thinking about making the first move, here are some things you should know about dating a shy guy… From which dating questions to ask, to what it’s like dating an introvert, read on for helpful tips to turn him from too shy to your guy!

Dating a quiet guy means that you might have to go the extra mile (at least at the beginning) to get the conversation flowing. To make it work, you should be up for initiating things, whether it’s the first kiss or a long conversation. It’s very important that you make the first move too because, even if he’s crazy about you, he might hold back.
Knowing what you can expect will make dating an introvert easier, especially if you’re an extrovert. Things can work out between you two, just make sure to keep these pointers in mind:

1. You will probably have to make the first move

Young people in a bar

It can be hard to even tell if a shy guy’s into you. The signs a shy guy likes you are usually pretty subtle. He might give you a smile, but don’t expect him to walk up to you and ask you out.
So, how to make the first move on a guy? For some guys, casual flirting, eye contact, and a smile here and there might be enough for them to get the hint and ask you out first. However, not everyone can pick up on these cues, so don’t hesitate to openly express interest and ask the guy out yourself.

2. Remember to ask open-ended questions

Man smiling at a woman as she talks

If you’re dating a shy guy, you need to accept that he probably isn’t the initiator type. You’ll notice this when it comes to communication, too. It’s unlikely that he’ll be the one to start up a conversation or easily open up – but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have anything to say! You just have to learn to ask the right questions in order to learn more about him.

So, what are open-ended questions? They are questions that can’t be answered with a simple yes or no, so they’re likely to get your guy talking. Learn how to talk to shy guys by rephrasing your questions so that they’re more specific and require a more detailed reply.

Usually, this will show him that you’re interested in him, which in turn will give him confidence and stop him from answering with just one or two words. For instance, instead of asking “Do you like your job?”, ask “What do you like best about your job?”. Or instead of asking “Are you interested in jazz?” ask “What’s your favorite jazz song?”.

3. He won’t open up easily

Some people like to talk about themselves (even when you’ve heard it a thousand times before). Shy guys aren’t like that. In fact, they’re pretty much the opposite!
You might have to put a bit of extra effort into getting to know him better because he’s not going to serve it up to you on a silver platter. That’s why it’s essential to ask interesting and thoughtful questions. Actively listen to his replies to truly understand what makes him tick and to get him talking about things he feels comfortable with.
The thing is, your shy guy might be the most amazing person in the world but he probably doesn’t see that in himself. You will probably have to talk to him for a while for him to reveal a bit more about himself. But it will be worth it!

4. You will need to enjoy the silence

Couple enjoying the nature in a park

Dating a quiet guy makes you realize that he’s not quiet because he’s mad at you, and the silence doesn’t have to be awkward. Okay, it might be awkward at first, but spending quiet time together becomes normal and comfortable with time.
You learn that you don’t have to fill every moment with words. You can simply enjoy each other’s company and feel like you have all the time in the world to talk about things.
A shy guy is not giving you the silence treatment, he’s just a quiet introvert. You might assume that he doesn’t want to talk to you, while in reality he’s just not that verbal and would rather just spend time with you in silence. Hey, you don’t have to talk when you can cuddle!

5. You will need to respect his privacy

When you can’t get someone to open up easily, it can be tempting to go a different route to learn more about them (perhaps by sneaking a peek at their phone). Don’t do this.
Most importantly, when he does open up and share things with you, keep those things to yourself. Don’t reveal his secrets to anyone, and keep your private conversations private.
Privacy is important to introverts, and when they do dare to share some private information, they trust you to keep it to yourself.

6. He will be better at texting than talking

Bearded dude checking his phone while working

A lot of shy people thrive on texting. While it’s difficult for them to open up and express themselves face to face, they might be very open and expressive when they’re typing a message on their phone.
Don’t be surprised if the guy who doesn’t normally talk much sends long messages full of emojis. Since it’s easier for shy people to communicate through texting they often take full advantage of it and use a lot of flirty emojis to indicate interest.
You can use this fact to your advantage. Get to know him better through messages. Just don’t let texting be your main and only way of communicating.

7. You will have to take it slow

Couple holding hands in a park

Shy guys move more slowly than others, whether it’s about opening up to someone new or taking the next step in the relationship. Don’t scare him off by moving too fast for him. Use the opportunity to try out slow dating!
These guys can be sexually shy too. So, it might take time for him to be ready for physical intimacy, and you shouldn’t rush him. Let it happen naturally when you both feel comfortable.
Even the flirting period might be longer than you’d expect it. Despite him being interested in you, he might need time to be ready to get into a relationship.

8. You will need to give him enough alone time

Besides their privacy, introverts highly value their alone time. You will need to give this guy space to do his thing without you.
If you’re an extrovert yearning to spend more time with a shy guy, it might be difficult to understand why someone would rather spend time alone than with someone they like. However, an introvert can be crazy about you and still prefer just chilling at home alone and doing nothing every so often.
If you want to spend more time with this guy, it would help to learn to enjoy quiet time with him. Are you fine with chilling with him in silence and doing nothing? Maybe you could watch a movie or play a card game. Think of activities that don’t involve talking so much, and he’ll be more willing to sacrifice some of his alone time for time with you.

9. He will be a very good listener

Man looking at a woman explaining something

People who don’t do a lot of talking usually do a lot of listening instead. They give you their full attention and actively listen to what you’re saying even if they don’t engage in the conversation.
When dating a shy guy, you’ll soon realize that he remembers all the little things and details that you mention – you know, the stuff other people usually forget. He will remember most of the stuff you talk to him about because he pays attention.
If you don’t think before you speak, this can be a bad thing. You’ll wish that he wouldn’t remember everything. However, it feels nice when someone really makes you feel heard, and he might even use the things he remembers to surprise you.

10. He might be too shy to meet your friends and family

Don’t rush into introducing your shy boyfriend to your friends and family. He is probably not ready for that.
Generally speaking, when your partner doesn’t want to meet your family and friends, it could be a red flag. However, shy guys can be the exception.
If your guy feels awkward in social situations, he will feel terrified of having to leave a good impression on your loved ones. So, if he’s that introverted, give him time to get comfortable with you and maybe introduce him to people one by one instead of bringing him to a large family gathering.

11. You have to know that he’s not going to change

Couple hugging in cold weather

If you’re an extrovert, you might have moments during dating an introvert where you wish that they would change. You might want your shy guy to be more outgoing, open, social, and overall extroverted…
If this happens, you should remind yourself that he’s not going to change. So, either you will accept and love him the way he is, or you will search for someone more like you instead.
Don’t be with someone if you’re hoping for them to change to become your ideal partner. Everyone is special in their own way, and if your feelings are genuine, you wouldn’t want them to change!

12. You should find things you have in common with him

Couple fishing together

Of course, it’s easier to communicate when you can bond over shared interests. Everyone likes to talk about things that they’re passionate about, especially if the person they’re talking to shares that passion!
See if you can find things that you have in common. They could turn into a new shared hobby, a date idea, or simply an activity that you do together.
If you don’t already share the same passion, consider finding one by trying new things together. Maybe you would enjoy baking together, apple picking, or buying rare records. It can be extra fun to experience something new together!

All in all, dating a shy guy can be a challenge but it’s definitely worth putting the effort in. If you are a bit shy yourself, you might be able to understand him more easily. However, if you’re an extrovert, don’t let that stop you from dating him. As long as you’re genuinely interested in him, it will be fun to learn more about this introvert. Just be patient and give it time. Unless you’re looking for someone more open and social, you can make things work despite being different!


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